Married people like to hang out with other married people, but not just any other married couple will do. When you go out as a group, you want everyone to get along and like each other. You want the conversation to be easy and laughs to be frequent. But finding the right couple to hang out with requires a test-drive. Some couples just seem to click while others don’t.
Typically women set up these double dates. When women became friends, we want our husbands to be buddies, too. So we ask each other questions and hope to find common ground between our guys. Maybe they both play cricket or they’re both into cars or they do the same type of work. We don’t really care what it is. We just need one little link of commonality to get the ball rolling.
So often we arrange the potluck parties, festival get-togethers, weekend day-outs, birthday/anniversary celebrations and women’s noon tea parties because we can get to know new people and if the “frequency” is matchedβ¦make new friends. I have observed a lot of shades in human nature through all these activities. Some people are so enthusiastic in the beginning that they would often arrange such get-togethers, call just to say “Hi” n converse friendly but after some days they would behave so reserved. Some of them would just talk about their kids as if that is the only topic left for communication in the world! – Which is so boring for newly married couples like us π (This is just a general opinion…No offense plz) many fellows are so talkative that they hardly give a chance to others to talk or listen what others are saying while some of them are so introverts n quiet that a word from them is indeed surprising to the group! π Gossip mongers, pessimists, sluggishness, enviousness are a big turn-off. That’s why I emphasized from the start about the “frequency” which should be matched for friendship.
Apparently, I have also seen people with good sense of humor, go-getters who make the environment pleasant just by being around, friendly without any “attitude”, willing to listen to others, helping and encouraging each other and enjoying each moment as it comes. Amazingly so many shades of human nature in We-the people!
I believe every one of us should be inquisitive enough or at least aware of common topics, current affairs to talk. The conversation becomes more enjoyable if the other party also has an ear for music, an eye for movies, good taste in novels/reading, interest in sports or indoor games and like to nourish their hobbies. We have got a nice group of friends; we arrange get-togethers and spend a quality time on weekend with good food π
Last weekend was great. Weather was so pleasant; we’ve been at a lake with few other families. The kids had fun, so the grown-ups did. We had a pot-luck (generally “Pot-luck” parties are like treats for hubbys as they get to taste variety of delicious food ;)) we did boating there, played UNO, badminton and clicked many snaps. That was fun! We told them we’d love it if they come back again sometime and I hope they’ll take us up on it.
We stay here away from our country, our people, family, and friends. So it’s that much more important for us to build a strong network of friends – people to laugh with, people to learn from and people to keep us company on this adventure we call “Life”.
Happy Living π
Shruti.
well, this is the way, it is everywhere, we just realise it when we are thrown alone on our own. In India it’s the parents who had to deal with such personalities and kept us away from all the political things.
Plus we had lots of people who are like us, needless to say Indians. moreover we have made our network of friends over the years and then we pick n choose and try to be friends with those who are like minded.
As we grow ols, our personalities, ego’s clash. how many good groups do u find have formed at office level? there are very few. But then this does not bother us much cos we have our school friends, college friends, some classes friends. Moreover we have all our relatives with whom we meet often. So the need to adjust with others does not really arise.
Things change here cos
1. We are being treated as grown ups
2. We have been pampered a lot at home n then have our difficulties adjusting with various types of people.
3.Last but the important thing is :- there are very less Indians, so we have to learn n adjust to such personalities which are newfound for us but were, are and will be in existence everywhere.
Try to mingle with everyone, do not categorize people, liking rock music does not make a person bad, neither does gossiping… enjoy that too…
try this, getting along will not be a problem. ai mhantaat na.. vyakti titkya prakruti… te khote navhe… ata te distay janavtay.
so, chill .. relax.. be easy going and u will make groups n friends.
Completely agree with you Priya. Sometimes we have to let our heads down in front of the things we don’t like, especially in USA where we have limited options of Desi friends!
But I appreciate that you put forward some important points which were missing in this article, thanks yaar π
It wasn’t to add to ur article dear .. but I have been thru similar problems initially here in US.
ur article is good.
I agree. You either click or you don’t. Lucky you had a good weekend. Ours was spent with Indro on a call.
well said….
Thanks Suyog….
Good stuff… As am about to be a part of your arena (as in married) this is indeed a good insite… Loved it, very nice π
good one……………..
@Abhishek : Ab Delhi door nahi π Thanks for the appreciation btw..
@Paresh : Thanks..
In US, its very true because you won’t generally get like minded people around you hence you got to somehow learn to mingle with them and take it easy. But one thing is true… You will never get the affection and the kind of friendship you expect from your childhood or college friends..
Keep Writing,
Onkar.
Very well written Shruti…and I too agree with Priya.
I also experienced same but fortunately I got all friends with whom my “frequency” matches. We too have get-togethers, picnics.. and lot of fun. Still I miss my parents, all my school n college friends and relatives….. π¦
But I am happy to see many more Indians in seattle. π
@Onkar : I think its 70% true that the friends we make in our school and college are the best ones we have or we can call “Friends for Life”.
@Mayuri : Thanks Mayu π
Being in Pardes & western culture.. we often engage in creative acts of pretending, not to run from the truth, but rather to discover new truths. Pretending joy or happiness can be a self-fulfilling prophecy, helping us discover or enhance our capacity for these positive feelings. if you’re happy, u can make ur people n place both beautiful.. always! after all its ur call.. are you really happy or just pretend to be π
Nice one…
when you are away from your motherland…
at least you need 4-5 friends to build your healthy social life….!!
“A man is social animal” hya wakyachi teevrata patate..!
Can’t agree more on what you’ve said Jnanesh.
I agree with you Shruti and I also gone through same situations. Some Indians change a lot after living here for few years dat they think themselves as Americans & forget about their own country ppl bacoz of the ATTITUDE & ego problem. I see various groups among Desis as Hindi speaking ppl and Non-hindi speaking ppl. You have chosen a bold topic this time but nice and well written. I’m happy that somebody dared to speak out of this obvious behavior of Desis in America.
Long way to go….waiting for next post from you.
Well phew..thanks Rani. I don’t know how should I respond to your words but you are also correct. Let me clear one thing that I did not write this article against any particular group of people but just did an attempt to think n speak about various shades of human nature. That might be negative or positive, I have seen both and so wrote about it. I think there is a gray shade in everyone of us, or as the recent bollywood movie “Kaminey” says “There is a bit of “Kaminey/ kamina” part hidden in each person π I guess it happens to be felt grievously in the foreign countries to a much extent bcoz of less Desis nearby.
Hey Shruti,
Very nice blog..well articulated.
Thanks Shalini π